I guess I may as well start out this blog the way I mean to go on. Honest and direct.
I am hoping that by writing I can get back to being the joyful person I once was, the one where laughter came easily and babies made me smile. Where pregnant women made me feel giddy inside, and where the world was sparkly and full of hope.
I feel like a hollow shell of that person, I fear that girl is gone and even if our journey through IF is a success I will never be the same inside. Sure I can fake it, along with the best of them. I can hold my head high, and smile and laugh and chat, and inside I know the tears and guilt will come later.
The tears for a life lost before it was fulfilled, and the guilt for the feelings of jealousy I have for others who are progressing on their own journeys, while I stay in stasis.