Sunday, 2 October 2011

a small breakdown

I was thinking last week about how great I have been doing with the meds, no real side effects - a little pain and swelling, but nothing so bad.  I do feel myself getting irritated more with DH but  nothing that I can't handle, so I was completely unprepared for Saturdays outburst....

Friday night DH went out for some drinks with a buddy and came home pretty much sloshed.  I was fine with it, he slept on the sofa downstairs (since he passed out watching tv).  Saturday morning I was full of rage, I had a full blown screaming match with him, resulting in me having to leave the house... I was on the verge of tears all day.

I get so mad at the inadequacy of the whole thing, here I am not drinking alcohol, I switched to decaf, and have a max of 1 decaf coffee a day (most days I have 0), I limit my tea intake now also (2 cups max), I'm drinking plenty of water, trying not to stress, taking my vitamins and doing the stims.  I count 46 shots to date (with 4 more tonight)...  and what does he have to do.... He doesn't have the invasive ultrasounds, the monitoring b/w, the condescending comments about age...

I feel pretty bad about it though, he is trying to be supportive, but I literally was so furious I couldn't even talk to him.  I felt like I wanted to cancel the whole thing  [Obviously I'm not - the expensive is crazy and I'm not going through all those injections for nothing, but the illogical part of my brain just wanted to throw in the towel and scream.]

I left the house and wandered in town for 3-4 hours, then came home and cried, and he just held me.  I can feel his frustration, and he was hurt that I think he has not had to make any sacrifices.  He has stopped cycling and cut down on alcohol, but in the grand scheme of things I feel that the brunt of the burden is being carried by me.

We are okay now, and we can laugh at my crazy mood swing, but I am scared that my crazy mood swing wasn't exactly crazy, more of an honest, angry outpouring.  Is it so wrong for me to want full support during this - I just feel he could do more, like not drink for the month of the IVF cycle...

Monitoring u/s is tomorrow and I am hoping that we will be large enough for the RE to mention triggering - that would keep us on target for ER on Wednesday, otherwise I have to re-organize my work schedule :(


  1. ok can I just say, um that was me yesterday. I was furious with my husband. here i am on a smorgasbord of different medication and he got so drunk he passed out, forgot the only medication he needs to take for a week and was moaning that i was bitchin' at him. WTF? I am so over it. I just want you to know that yes it might be a mood swing but by the same token it was set off by there friggin unreasonable behaviour. good luck with your u/s and all the rest!

  2. I did almost the exact same thing. I woke up early on Saturday morning, hubby slept in. I waited all morning to eat so we could have breakfast together, but when he woke up he decided to go for a run..making me have to wait even longer. And I just lost it! Yelled at him and stormed out of the house and drove around crying for 2 hours. And now we laugh about it.

    Jeez, those meds can hit you out of nowhere!

    Hopefully you get the go ahead to trigger soon!!

  3. Yeah, IF is completely unfair that way. I feel like I've cut so much out of my life and my DH has done nothing but stay out of the hot tub -- and only when I force him to. It's frustrating. He was complaining about having to give me the trigger shot -- and he's done it 7 times before -- and going on about how hard it is to have to "produce" a sample and I couldn't take it anymore! He had the gall to say that it was so much harder because the needles I use for stims are so much smaller than what he has to use for the trigger. UGH.

    They should seriously know that pissing us off when we're in the middle of drug induced crazies is NOT a good idea!!

    Wishing you a great scan today and a "go" for the trigger!

  4. Thanks ladies - I feel a little less of a basket case now :)