Reflections

It is only 10 days till my first ultrasound, I am excited.  I won't lie, I'm apprehensive and of course I have worries, but overall the message in my head and heart is hopeful.

After 3 years of TTC, 1 missed miscarriage found at 10weeks, and a chemical, it's hard to equate being pregnant with actually getting a baby out of the deal. Yes, everyone goes on about positivity and trying not to worry, that is obviously easier said than done.

With my first BFP I was blissfully happy, skipping through my pregnancy without a care in the world, we told our families at 8weeks.  I thought that 2 lines equalled a baby, and my world came crashing down on me at our 10week ultrasound. One D&C later and having to tell the family the bad news, I am more aware of the possible bad outcomes.

So I think it's natural to have concerns, and I'm okay with that.  Would I prefer to be blissfully ignorant - of course, but my first miscarriage removed that innocence from me.

For now I am 5weeks 5 days pregnant, and I'm totally in love.  DH and I are obviously wishing for the best, and are starting to think of the future, I lie in bed and marvel that we are back at this point in our journey and I pray to get to the next milestone.

In 10 days I will see our baby(s), and see the flicker of heartbeats, and my heart will explode with love and happiness.

In the meantime I am grateful for the few pregnancy symptoms I currently have: fatigue, acid reflux, nausea, insane sense of smell, irritability and the wonderful belching ;)