Tuesday, 9 August 2011

4 lbs down

4 lbs down in 4 weeks - not delighted but at least the scale is moving in the right direction :)  I'm eating healthier rather than dieting really - I joined WW and am tracking online - I'm hoping that by the end of this month I can be 10lbs lost, but every lb lost counts!

Feeling a little disjointed at the moment - I guess with us saving for IVF things are a little easier.  TTC is not taking up all my mind space so that's a bit better, but I do worry about finding all the cash in time.

I'm a little upset at a friend right now - she is pregnant and hasn't been the most understanding about our situation.  I had a chemical right after she told me at 6 weeks so it's hard seeing her and knowing in the back of my head that I would be pregnant along side her.  She's a very self-involved person so expects to chat with me about how she's feeling, ultrasounds and how happy she is.

Which I get - I am her friend, but parts of me want to die when she is going on and on about her pregnancy.  She told me the other day "I'm glad you're more at peace now" after i listened to her chat for 30 mins.  I felt like screaming "No, I'm not.  I'm trying to be a good friend, and apparently the only way to do that is to kill myself slowly while listening to you..." but I didn't i swallowed it down and said "Well it's still very difficult for me".

I get that it's hard for her too, but it's almost like if she doesn't talk about the pregnancy she has nothing to talk about with me.  I'm finding it hard and I'm starting to find reasons to avoid her, which i hate myself for later :(  Why does IF have to impact so many facets of my life :(

Dealing with this has made so much more aware of how my actions and words can impact others, I'm sure I have said things in the past that must have jarred someones feelings without me thinking my comment through.  I'm trying to be more conscious of the things I say now :)

40% of the IVF funds needed saved now with 8 weeks to go

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