I sat for a while debating whether to write this all down, or chalk it up to hormones and miscommunication, and blogging won. I'm upset and frustrated, and generally feeling a bit down.
I'm 6weeks and 4 days today, and the constant nausea appears to perhaps have transformed into vomiting. I have a phobia about vomiting, I suppose no one really likes it, but it really freaks me out. I turn into a sobbing mess.
My DH has been wonderful these past few weeks, given the fact that everything makes me feel like throwing up he's done 99% of the cooking and the cleaning and generally been quite lovely. Today after I threw up that changed....
Usually I would throw up and immediately clean the toilet, but I physically couldn't. I had thrown up in both the toilet and the sink, the reason being the first load of vomit went in the toilet and there was (TMI) some residual urine under the seat. Given my sensitivity to smells that made vomiting even worse, so the next set went in the sink.
I sat down in my office and asked DH if he could clean the toilet, to which he took it completely the wrong way and stormed off, he then cleaned the bathroom, ignored me as I talked to him, and it turned into a screaming match. He insisted I made him feel like he wasn't doing a good cleaning job, and proceeded to tell me all the things he's been doing, cooking and cleaning etc...
So that made me feel terrible (on top of feeling terrible). I felt like he was complaining at having to take up the brunt of the housework and the cooking and, yes I was pissed. I generally do all the cooking and we share the cleaning 50/50, but he's on nights right now so I haven't been cleaning during the day (on my work breaks) as he's asleep. I feel like I am stuck right now - if i clean I make noise and wake him, if I don't he's obviously pissed off and holding it in.
Right now I'm struggling with my emotions over this pregnancy and am worried about the upcoming u/s and praying for a positive outcome, and I've been so grateful for all that he has done, and now i feel like he has hated every moment and just done it because he had to rather than wanted to help me.
I know pregnancy hormones don't help, but he just doesn't get it. I mention how tired I am, and he says how tired he is working nights, I mean I get it - night shift is hard, but I'm growing a fricken baby and working full time. When I am awake, my days are filled with headaches, gas, heartburn, nausea and fatigue, when i sleep I have a hard time staying asleep, and get 6-8 hours each night but interrupted by night wakings and the need to pee.
Most of all I hate how he made me feel, like I was being lazy and taking advantage, expecting him to do all this cause I didn't want to, rather than the fact that right now I feel like my body is inside-out and upside down.