Tuesday, 1 November 2011


It is only 10 days till my first ultrasound, I am excited.  I won't lie, I'm apprehensive and of course I have worries, but overall the message in my head and heart is hopeful.

After 3 years of TTC, 1 missed miscarriage found at 10weeks, and a chemical, it's hard to equate being pregnant with actually getting a baby out of the deal. Yes, everyone goes on about positivity and trying not to worry, that is obviously easier said than done.

With my first BFP I was blissfully happy, skipping through my pregnancy without a care in the world, we told our families at 8weeks.  I thought that 2 lines equalled a baby, and my world came crashing down on me at our 10week ultrasound. One D&C later and having to tell the family the bad news, I am more aware of the possible bad outcomes.

So I think it's natural to have concerns, and I'm okay with that.  Would I prefer to be blissfully ignorant - of course, but my first miscarriage removed that innocence from me.

For now I am 5weeks 5 days pregnant, and I'm totally in love.  DH and I are obviously wishing for the best, and are starting to think of the future, I lie in bed and marvel that we are back at this point in our journey and I pray to get to the next milestone.

In 10 days I will see our baby(s), and see the flicker of heartbeats, and my heart will explode with love and happiness.

In the meantime I am grateful for the few pregnancy symptoms I currently have: fatigue, acid reflux, nausea, insane sense of smell, irritability and the wonderful belching ;)


  1. Oh girl do I hear you. In May we were blissfully happy, we just automatically assumed once we got our BFP then would be laughing. This time around. Way, way more cautious. Have still told people as we were open about IVF but it comes with a side dish of anxiety. 11 days for me, not that I am counting or anything.......

  2. I completely understand where you are coming from. The painful knowledge that a positive pregnancy test does not equal a baby is one that I have battled throughout my pregnancy - it is finally sinking in that it really is happening for us (I'll be 30 weeks in a few days!)
    It is so much easier said than done to just "be happy" and "relax" about it.
    Sending many good thoughts and prayers your way!

  3. Yeah, I'm exactly where you are. I can say "I'm pregnant" but I cannot say "I'm having a baby." That just seems like a whole other thing entirely. Thinking of you and waiting out the time with you!

  4. I wouldn't be so calm if I had been through a loss of some sort.. so I understand the cautiousness. I know things can go wrong at any stage but that's miles away from knowing by experience. Hope this time is your time all the way through and beyond.

  5. I completely know where are you are coming from... I came across your blog through another blog I follow. I wanted to wish you all this best this pregnancy and I look forward to following your blog! :)