35 weeks down

It seems insane that we have 5 weeks left to go - that's 35 days till due date!  I have 2.5 weeks left at work before I take 2 weeks vacation, and then start my mat. leave on the due date.

I am hoping that LO will arrive around a week before the due date, that way I have some time to become used to a newborn before my parents visit.  They have flights booked for a week after the due date, I'm a little worried baby will hang out till they arrive... which I am sure my mum will love!

Today we had our u/s and NST.  He did great as usual, completing all the actions required for the NST in the first 9 minutes.  I noted to the nurse that he's been quieter than usual, and rather than kicks I've been feeling more "smooshy" movements, which I attribute to the space being reduced.  She confirmed that's most likely, and at the end of the test, we counted LO's movements and he had 26 in 20 minutes - she joked that's not bad since all they want is 6 in an hour...

Onto the u/s - DH and I were trying to guess the babies weight before the test, I figured he'd be about 5lb 4oz and DH reckoned 6lbs - which I thought was ridiculous - esp as at the last scan (4 wks ago) he was only 3lb 12oz.  Well baby measured in at a whopping 5lb 10oz today!  He's sitting at the 50% mark for his growth, and the tech pretty much confirmed he has a huge head...

Our doctor mentioned a large head a few weeks ago, and today I asked the tech to give us an estimate.  He laughed and said well it's not above 90% - but the way he said it makes me think it's probably pretty close - around 85%..  Ah well baby has to come out regardless :)

He also let us see the baby in 3D - it was amazing, and although not allowed to he let us take a picture of the 3D image on our phones!  Baby has DH's nose so I am happy :)  He's gorgeous - we have very few decent ultrasound pictures - they are all blurry or half skeletal as the baby is so active, so this one is truly cherished!

Sleep wise I have good days and bad, most nights I have about an hour to an hour and a half then I wake in pain, or need to go to the bathroom, last night I only woke twice - it was heavenly.  I feel very rested.  The cold is finally starting to go away, and it's getting easier to breathe, but I'm still a little congested and that does make it harder to sleep.

The swelling continues, my left ankle is pretty much the size of an elephants come night time, I try to walk around during the day but being sat at a desk hinders it slightly.

No real contractions as yet, Saturday night we got some painful ones, but I attribute that to a long day on my feet walking and not enough water, DH got all excited and wanted to use his contraction timer app... *sigh*  I'm quite happy for baby to hang out safely inside me for another 3 weeks, I'm sure at 38 weeks I will be quite happy to have him in my arms!

The nursery is coming along swimmingly, the cloth diapers have all been washed and I'm waiting on the last batch drying before they can be put away.  The room makes me feel giddy inside, once LO arrives I will put up a picture - I think the only things left to do is make the mobile, and buy the medications/grooming stuff (nail clippers, hairbrush, vitamin D drops etc, nipple pads). Anything else I am missing?  Any recommendations on the med stuffs?

I am excited this month and the coming month, as so many of the bloggers I know are reaching the end of their pregnancy/adoption journeys and becoming mums.  It makes me smile inside and out as I read the stories and see the photos.  My heart breaks for some as they receive devastating news, and it brings back the grief and memories of our own losses and how hard this journey can be, I can only hope with all my heart that they achieve their dreams too.  I recall how hard the IF journey is, and how overcome with emotions I was during medicated cycles, and I know how strong each and every one of you are for continuing to push through to achieve your dreams.

Its a....

baby!  haha - still no gender reveal - in BC they can't tell you, so we will book a private exam at 23 weeks and hopefully find out then.

Beware there is an u/s photo in this post - it's the first one I've put up - if you are having a bad day avoid the bottom part of this post!

So 18weeks 6days today, baby is measuring 3 days ahead at 19w2d :)  The u/s this am took 45 minutes, because the little one was being a wee bit stubborn!  We have a very active baby who cannot stay still, but also doesn't like the camera.  They had their backs facing almost the entire time, but we did manage a few nice shots!

It was completely amazing watching the screen as the tech did the measurements - I had a lovely student this time, and then the head of the dept came in for the last 20mins of the exam to ensure all the areas were covered.  It did get a wee bit painful, since baby wasn't the most co-operative, and refused to let the tech get a good heart shot. We may get another exam scheduled to try again for that - we saw the heart - the tech said all looked okay, they just weren't able to see everything they wanted due to babies position. Rolling and walking made no diff to this little one, they were quite comfortable where they were.  

No clues given as to gender, but DH is swearing its a girl, he had a better view of the monitors during the scan. 

I'm doing great so far, I think I'm up about 3lbs. Cravings seem to be fruit (apples, mandarins, nectarines and peaches) and veggie sausage sandwiches (they help with the protein requirements).  No more braxton hicks, which is a relief, and the scan shows everything is locked up nice and tight - that little one isn't going anywhere till June!

I interviewed for a new client Thursday/Friday last week, since the current client contract ends in Dec, and got the job offer on Monday, so will be starting with the new team mid month. Looking forward to it, but not to telling my team & staff that I am leaving :(

So  onto the pics - which are a wee bit blurry;

Talk to the hand!

Profile pic of the face

12 Weeks and an Award!

12 weeks today! Woot!  Apparently the baby is now the size of a peach, maybe thats why all i want to eat are mandarins ;) I have a serious obsession with them now - I had 5 yesterday.... :D

Feeling a bit more comfortable after your outpouring of support on my guilty post.  Thanks ladies - I realize a lot of us are in the same boat, and I agree, that this journey is special and we should be able to document it, especially after all the struggles we went through to get here!

and now onto my award (cause i feel super special!!)

Big thanks to Sarah over at Baby Talk for giving me this award :)

With this award, we are asked to list 7 things the blog world may not know about us, and then pass the award on to 15 other bloggers.  Well I think 15 is a bit super high - so I'm picking 7 - I think 7 facts and 7 people are a nice even spread (plus I'm blogging when supposed to be working!)

So without further ado:

1/ I am Scottish! I moved to Canada 7 years ago and I love it here.  Although I do miss home, and my family, I have no plans to move back.

2/ I am an avid reader, I can read a book a night - it's like an obsession.  However since becoming pregnant I have hardly picked up a book.

3/ I learnt to knit when i was very little from my Gran.  I picked it back up as a hobby 2 years ago, as it helps relax me and calm my mind.  I have been dying to knit clothes for my little one, however since becoming pregnant knitting makes me feel sick (anyone sense a theme here?)

4/ I took ballet lessons at the age of 5, I thought I would be an amazing dancer... all i can remember if doing dances to the little teapot song.  Sadly my dancing skills were lacking....

5/ I love horses, but they don't like me - I've been bitten by horses 3 times!

6/ I love fires, but I'm not very fire safe.  I have managed to set myself on fire once (don't ask), and am ashamed to say have had several microwave fires - despite my obvious natural abilities to set unexpected fires I can't start a fire in our wood stove to save myself!

7/ It annoys me that card shops in canada don't stock cards that say "mum" or "gran" on them.

ta-da - don't you all feel far more enlightened now :)

So my nominees are:

1/ Emily at A Peek into Our Journey
2/ Cattiz at Colours of Cattiz
3/ Sarra at A Bittman Baby Story
4/ Rebecca at Trying Not to Scream
5/ Chon at My Path to Insanity and Beyond
6/ Emily at A Blanket to Keep
7/ Kayla at Life is Simple, It's Just not Easy

Can't wait to read your updates ladies!

a mish-mash of a post

I haven't been very good about updating my blog recently, I guess its for a number of different reasons.  I have pregnant IF guilt, I feel bad that I am pregnant after so many years of IF and the first trimester has been kicking my butt!  I know how difficult it was for me to cope with pregnant people complaining about their pregnancies, and I would hate to think that my little gem of happiness was the trigger that ruined someones day.

I keep saying to my husband, "I feel miserable... I'm delighted that I feel miserable, but I wish I didn't feel so bad".  This is something we desperately wanted, after 3 years of trying, 2 miscarriages, and going through treatment and IVF (and all its craziness), and I feel awful.  For years I convinced myself all that needed to happen was to get pregnant and the world would be a happy, shiny place again, and yet I feel turned inside out.

I am, obviously, over the moon but I'm dealing with a lot of anxiety, and the first tri symptoms have not been easy for me.

But enough of my "complaints" - today I am 11wks 4 days, only 3 more days and I'm 12 weeks, officially I think the end of the first trimester is 13weeks? I am starting to feel better, the vomiting has dropped to an occasional twice a week, rather than 4-5 times a day, I'm still fluctuating between fatigue and insomnia, but I'm coping pretty well with it.  I still have no cravings, just aversions - nothing sounds tasty to me, and the nausea, although no longer here every waking minute, is still around for a couple of hours each day.

We told my parents and siblings, bar my younger brother and his wife who are in a 2ww after their 2nd IVF, and everyone was delighted.  I was completely blown away by their reactions - there were tears and screaming, and demands for visits and updates, and pics - it was wonderful.  I plan on flying back home after the baby is born to visit, but I have a feeling I will have house guests before then.  I am hoping my SILs IVF works this time - they have been trying for 7 years - hopefully they will get good news this week!  If not I plan on having my parents tell my brother so he can break it to her in private, and I will send her a wee email. I am hoping that this news will not be too hard for her.

My DH told his parents and siblings.  His mothers response was "oh congratulations" and then she told him about how she lost her cell phone, and how working is so hard...  my DH was understandably upset.  She asked no questions about me, or the baby, or when we were due, nothing.... His step-dad was super excited and asked everything.  We told them we were only telling them and siblings, and extended family (grandmas/aunts etc) would be told at xmas after our next u/s.

The very next day I got a call from his grandma and texts from his aunts excited about the baby news - I was so mad!  But I was in an impossible situation, I can't be mad at his aunts/Grandma - it's not their fault and their responses were beautiful - they were genuinely excited for us.  I am so mad at DH's mum though - she didn't even care about our news, but she had to ruin our surprise for his aunts/grandma by telling them - it makes me so sad.

We have our NT scan scheduled for the 20th - I keep talking to my baby and urging them to stick around, and telling them how loved they are.  It seems like an eon since I last saw our lo, even though it's not even been 2 weeks.  I can not wait till i feel movements - I think that will help allay a lot of my fears.

Boogie Wonderland

So since the ultrasound this afternoon "Boogie Wonderland" has been playing through my head.  Huge relief to see the heart beat immediately and the little bub is growing nicely!

Although we are 9wks6days, bub is measuring at 10wks2days, checking in at 33mm. For some weird reason I keep calling the baby "he", I've had 3-4 dreams of a baby boy, and one last week of a girl, who knows but it's difficult staying gender neutral while chatting about the little one (lo).

LO was dancing up a storm, the hands were waving around their face, and legs were all over the place, I figure that lo has picked up daddies natural dancing abilities.  It was so surreal watching lo dance all around on the screen, and that heart beat sound can not be beaten.  We recorded the hb, and plan on breaking the news to both sets of parents this weekend!

For my parents, I'm planning on showing them the pictures of the fruit and asking them if they can see the link, then playing the hb and showing the u/s pic - all via skype.  DH will call and tell his parents - I am more excited about his aunts and grandmas reaction.

I have a strained relationship with my MIL and SIL, last time we announced to them SIL first response was "are you happy about it?" to DH, and my MIL managed a weak "congratulations" followed by "it better be a girl"...  Telling them makes me very anxious.

We had already planned to visit his aunts/grandma for xmas 2012, so we plan to breaking the news as we hate to be rude, but we are bringing someone with us next xmas... I think they will love it :)

Now we are released from the RE to my doctor - it seems odd, but Dr. H gave me a big hug and was all smiley and asked us to come back and visit with lo.

I've never gotten to this stage before, and I'm delighted, I will take each day as it comes, and from here on it will be all positivity and happiness (with occasional bouts of anxiety but quickly covered up).  We are doing the NT blood work and getting the scan set for within the next month, I'm still not certain on the amnio so we will wait and see how the NT results are first.

891!!

Third beta (18dpo) was done at 10am this morning and came back at a whopping 891!  I am so pleased - I've been internally praying for the number to increase.  The doubling time was 38 hours again :)

Waiting on the clinic to call me, I'm hoping that the beta draws are now over and we will schedule a U/S.
** Update - U/S is booked for 7wks on the 10th November at 11:15am

I want to know if we have one or two nestling in.

I bought a baby book, and a name book on Sunday.  I can feel myself beginning to hope that this might actually turn out well.